On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were dividing up four boxes of Christmas ornaments. Kit, now living independently, wanted to decorate her own Christmas tree. Unpacking the ornaments brought back memories of loss and grief for children who were no longer part of our holiday celebrations.
Over eight years, our family grew and shrank with 23 foster children. Most placements were temporary, but our two children came to us through adoption. I was surprised to see that Kit remembered the stories behind each homemade ornament, even for those she had never met. It was eye-opening to realize that her holiday memories differed from mine.
As I unearthed a tree topper received during our first Christmas as a newlywed couple, memories flooded back. The crack in the angel ornament symbolized the fracture in our marriage, now irreparable. Passing the angel to Kit, I questioned if she wanted it in its fragile state. Her eyes sparkled under her festive hat as she eagerly accepted it.
Opening another box, I found a Santa sleigh and reindeer ornament crafted by an eight-year-old boy we once fostered. Made from foam blocks and pipe cleaners at a Christmas party, it stirred up mixed emotions of grief and anger. Despite losing contact with the boy, we hoped he knew how much we cared for him.
Noticing my shift in mood, Kit took the Santa decoration, recalling how I always placed it low on the tree so she could play with it. Her fondness for the ornament mirrored the bond we shared with our foster children, emphasizing the importance of inclusivity during the holidays.
Our family made efforts to ensure our foster children felt part of our Christmas traditions. Adjusting our celebrations to accommodate their needs, we established the practice of gifting each child a unique ornament to decorate the tree or keep as a memento. This thoughtful gesture allowed the Santa and reindeer ornament to become a lasting part of my collection.
Unwrapping a reindeer ornament made of pompoms and pipe cleaners, memories of my son’s playful nickname for it resurfaced. Reflecting on past divisions of holiday decorations during a previous separation, I realized the impact these ornaments had on our family dynamics.
Kit’s heartfelt connection to Rudolph, regardless of where she spent Christmas, highlighted the enduring significance of these ornaments. Her perspective on our past divorce lessons shed light on the resilience and understanding she had gained.
This year, decorating the tree with Kit promises a fresh and joyful experience, bridging the gap between past sorrows and present happiness. I eagerly anticipate witnessing her unique tree decorations come to life.
